Posts » Klingon occupations
Here's a round-up of jobs a Klingon can fall back on if the starship tactical officer gig doesn't work out.
Klingons are natural cooks. All that chopping up and boiling appeals to their instincts. Here's a sample recipe:
Find someone who has already prepared some home-style gagh. Kill him/her in honorable combat and take his/her gagh. Serve cold and enjoy.
Klingons are natural philosophers, very clear on their place and the place of god within the universe, as evidenced by the following conversation:
KIRA: Do Klingons have gods?
WORF: Not any more. They were all slain by Klingon warriors a millenium ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.
Klingon fashion designer
Sheldon Comics advances this interesting possibility.Â The characters there have the following discussion:
"But in every episode, all the Klingons are wearing different outfits."
"So? So it means that somewhere on the Klingon homeworld, there's a Klingon fashion designer.Â It means there's one dude who's going - this season: more buckles! less leather! ... next season: more over-the-shoulder metal sashes! Man, I wanna see the episode about that Klingon!"
"He rides into battle gloriously! shouting: careful, that vest was hand stitched!"
Klingon software engineer
There seems to be a strange fellow-feeling amongst programmers and Klingons showing on the internets right now.Â Example quotes making the rounds:
- What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases.' Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
- Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
- And lots more...
Worf on Star Trek gave the young Wesley excellent advice on love, which we could all do with following:
Worf: "AAAAAAAUUUUURRRGGGGHHHH! That is how a Klingon lures a mate."
Wesley: "Are you telling me to yell at Salia?"
Worf: "No, no, no. Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects. And claw at you."
Wesley: "What does the man do?"
Worf: "He reads love poetry. He ducks a lot."
Wesley: "Worf, it sounds like it works great for the Klingons, but... I need to try something a little less... dangerous?"
Worf: "Go to her door, beg like a human."
(from "The Dauphin" episode)
Klingon Opera singer
Klingons are apparently quite into opera. Who can forget the haunting strains of Aktuh and Melota:
(source: SajQa). I think we've all felt like saying that to a loved one at one time or another.
Update: DragonConTV has a video of what depths Klingons have to sink to between Star Trek shows. Tip: don't ask your Klingon waiter to cut your sandwich in half. He may get a bit... over-enthusiastic shall we say.
Update: Oregon is not hiring Klingon interpreters. I repeat, if you are a Klingon interpreter do not seek employment in Oregon. It is strange to be having to say this.