Posts » Klingon occupations

Here's a round-up of jobs a Klingon can fall back on if the starship tactical officer gig doesn't work out.

I am NOT a merry man!Klingon chef

Klingons are natural cooks. All that chopping up and boiling appeals to their instincts. Here's a sample recipe:

Home-Style Gagh

SERVES 1-2

Find someone who has already prepared some home-style gagh. Kill him/her in honorable combat and take his/her gagh. Serve cold and enjoy.

(via McSweeney's, lots more recipes there)

Klingon monk

Klingons are natural philosophers, very clear on their place and the place of god within the universe, as evidenced by the following conversation:

KIRA: Do Klingons have gods?
WORF: Not any more. They were all slain by Klingon warriors a millenium ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.

(via starbase118)

Klingon fashion designer

Sheldon Comics advances this interesting possibility. The characters there have the following discussion:

"But in every episode, all the Klingons are wearing different outfits."

"Yeah, so?"

"So? So it means that somewhere on the Klingon homeworld, there's a Klingon fashion designer. It means there's one dude who's going - this season: more buckles! less leather! ... next season: more over-the-shoulder metal sashes! Man, I wanna see the episode about that Klingon!"

"He rides into battle gloriously! shouting: careful, that vest was hand stitched!"

Klingon software engineer

There seems to be a strange fellow-feeling amongst programmers and Klingons showing on the internets right now. Example quotes making the rounds:

  • What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases.' Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
  • Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
  • And lots more...

Klingon love-doctor

Worf on Star Trek gave the young Wesley excellent advice on love, which we could all do with following:

Worf: "AAAAAAAUUUUURRRGGGGHHHH! That is how a Klingon lures a mate."
Wesley: "Are you telling me to yell at Salia?"
Worf: "No, no, no. Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects. And claw at you."
Wesley: "What does the man do?"
Worf: "He reads love poetry. He ducks a lot."
Wesley: "Worf, it sounds like it works great for the Klingons, but... I need to try something a little less... dangerous?"
Worf: "Go to her door, beg like a human."

(from "The Dauphin" episode)

On makesweet.com, we have a blood-thirsty murderous Klingon offering similar advice on life and love.

Klingon Opera singer

Klingons are apparently quite into opera. Who can forget the haunting strains of Aktuh and Melota:

BOOOOW-cha-daaay...
KEEEY-cha-daaay...
Me-YO-cha-BEEN-evaaa-kaa-MOOOOR...
LIIING-tomaaa...
Oh-ma-do-VEE-kos......ZOOOOOOO!
Oh-ma-do-VEE-kos......ZOOOOOOO!

(source: SajQa). I think we've all felt like saying that to a loved one at one time or another.

Update: DragonConTV has a video of what depths Klingons have to sink to between Star Trek shows. Tip: don't ask your Klingon waiter to cut your sandwich in half. He may get a bit... over-enthusiastic shall we say.

Update: Oregon is not hiring Klingon interpreters. I repeat, if you are a Klingon interpreter do not seek employment in Oregon. It is strange to be having to say this.