Greetings Humans. I am Plonkr. I have joined this "makesweet" entity as part of a mandatory cultural exchange, forced on me by the Council of my home-world as penance for my ... crime. They feel that I may learn the value of soft, weak things here. So far, I am sickened to my very soul. Sweetness? Light? This place makes me feel claustrophobic in its cloying pinkness. There is no honor here!

I'm told my duties will be responding to the communications of Humans with troubled hearts, to give a different perspective on their problems. I have suggested a faster, more honorable procedure for dealing with a troubled heart, but apparently that is not an option.

Pity.