Dear Plonkr, I'm struggling to be good, but I so want to be bad. Is the afterlife really going to be worth all this sacrifice? Yours, A Struggler.

Struggler, you represent everything I despise about Humans. Every single Human afterlife I've heard of is a philosophical nightmare. The truth is a lot more interesting, but it took my people a long time to figure out, so I'll be damned before I just hand it to you lot on a platter. Just accept that your religion, whatever merits it may have otherwise, has gotten the afterlife completely, but completely, wrong. Not even in the useful sense of being the opposite of the truth, but in the sense of being totally wrong-headed; like trying to build a house with a potato peeler (most interesting artifact I've found on your planet yet, by the way), or fly to space on a grammar book.

So you know nothing, but nothing, about the afterlife. Now decide what you want to do with this life.

Miserable bloody planet.