Dear Plonkr, my wife wants to have a child, but I don't think I'm ready - the thought of diapers makes me quail. What should I do? Yours, Dithering.

Dithering, I was not familiar with the term "diapers" so I consulted one of your Human dictionaries. Frankly, they seem a perfectly reasonable arrangement, one of the more sensible devices I've come across on this planet (along with potato-peelers). Thank you for drawing my attention to them.

May I suggest that part of your problem is in your use of thought, specifically in your "thought of diapers." I suspect that diapers are one of the many artifacts that work better if you interact with them via doing rather than thinking.

So you're not ready for a child? What kind of sad excuse for a species... no, wait. Actually, that's fine by me. In fact, I'd like to encourage all you humans out there not to have children. It really is a terribly bothersome process. Think of all those diapers! And the restrictions on your personal liberty! Tsk tsk. Far better to have freedom than a future.  Don't you think?

I ask you.  Miserable bloody planet.